Emotions If you must talk about politics at work, a trauma expert tells you how

Emotions If you must talk about politics at work, a trauma expert tells you howEmotions If you must talk about politics at work, a trauma expert tells you howThe topic of politics hasalways come up in theworkplace, and, for years, many of us have been able to control our emotionsand engage in respectful dialogue. But the recent election season and the current U.S. presidency havesome of us so on edge that defensive debate and discord are coming to the forefront more than ever before.Different people deal with political stress in different ways.Some may identify like-minded colleagues and find solace deep in theirred or blue camps. Some may nottalk about issues in the office- and thensilently engage on social media. And somemay avoid conflict altogether.Regardless of political leaning or approach to political issues at work, its clear whats going on in our country hasdeeply affected many of us.Now, more than ever, it feels like many Americans fundamentally and strongly disagree on dee ply held core values. More and bigger issues binnenseem to be at risk. Put together with never-endingnews coverageand Twitter feeds, and we have a potentially combustible combination.According to a recent surveyby BetterWorks, 87% of employees read political social media posts at work, and 49% have seen political discussions turn into arguments. Out of the 500 survey respondents, 29%said theyhave been less productive since the election.As a psychologist, Ive worked for years to help people feel heard and help them listen to one another. Inthese particularly contentious times, with people experiencing limited energy and feelings of hopelessness, it can be hard to conjure up the skills to survive politicalinteractions at work- let alone master them.Here are some things you can do when politics come up in conversation at work.Be a good listenerIts easy tolet conversations go off the rails. But you can learneffectivecommunication skills.Theseinclude active listening (making a conscious effort to hear and really understand the message), paraphrasing (repeating back succinctly your understanding of what the person just saidin your own words), making good eye contact, and exhibiting open voice tone and body language (e.g., not having your arms crossed in front of your chest).Take a step backWhat underlies some of these conversations is a staunch belief that were right.We often assume the worst about the other person, and we try hard to persuade them to see our point of view.Then we want, expect, and demand that our colleagues change- without exerting energy to try to understand their side.It can be helpful togain a healthy distance and remember that everyones perspective is different and that everyone has the right to have theiropinion heard.Dont focus on negative emotionsHeated debates can leave us feeling threatened, rejected, or defensive. At best these interactions are stressful and unproductive. They can make usdread going to work the next dayand make us not wan t to see- let alone work with- our colleagues. These feelings can bleed over into our productivity and sanity.Negative emotions are a part of life. Pushing these emotions away as soon as we feel them often has a boomerang effect. If emotions are not experienced, they can leak or burst when we least expect them to. But if we allow ourselves to feel these emotions, they often come in and flow out like a wave.If negative emotions persist over a period of time, then seeking ways to process those emotions, such as meditation, physical exercise, or talking with a friend or therapist, may be necessary.Stop trying to win argumentsWere not moving forward when were arguing. Whenwe engage in adversarial posturing, digging our roots into the earth and daring our colleagues to try and move us,it doesnt makefor effective and efficient workplaces, let alone ones we want tobe in.In Difficult Conversations How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project advise that mutual agreement should not necessarily be the goal. Rather, we might want to change our aim to a better understanding of others perspectives and offer an invitation for joint exploration.Put yourself in the other persons shoesPeoples choices are complex, and political views recently seem particularly tied to peoples identities and beliefs.Rather than judge others, can we encourage or even challenge ourselves to actively listen and try to understand others? Its easier said than done, for sure. But it can be worthwhile.Be respectfulLife can be hard, and not every person we come into contact at work or in our home community is someone we will click with or understand. We need to decide for ourselves which relationships we need to invest in or make sure theyfunction well enough.Sometimes, despite our best efforts and intentions, despite our restful sleep and good communication and emotion-regulation skills, we have to realize that some things may not eve r get sorted out. Sometimes we are going to have to walk away. And the best we can do is to respectfully agree to disagree.Dr. Joan Cookis a psychologist, an associate professor at Yale University and an Op-Ed Project Public Voices fellow.